THOSE WHO MAY CARE December 20, 1997: The Holiday Issue

************************************************************************** * Create-An-Insult: Impress your friends, one up your enemies.... * ************************************************************************** An endless supply of Shakespearean insults. Just combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with "Thou" or "You." Understand, you tottering onion-eyed malt-worms? pribbling ill-nurtured maggot-pie puking knotty-pated malt-worm puny motley-minded measle rank onion-eyed moldwarp roguish rough-hewn miscreant ruttish pox-marked mumble-news saucy reeling-ripe pigeon-egg surly rump-fed puttock tottering sheep-biting ratsbane vain spur-galled strumpet venomed swag-bellied skainsmate villainous tickle-brained varlet wayward toad-spotted vassal yeasty weather-bitten wagtail Source: Vancouver Sun ************************************************************************** * Twelve Amusing Factoids * ************************************************************************** 01. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I. 02. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles. 03. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee. 04. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is. 05. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. 06. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog. 07. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana. 08. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. 09. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. 10. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones. 11. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die. 12. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark. Source: Ginny ************************************************************************** * Women in Politics: the lighter side of * ************************************************************************** While her colleagues were debating in July whether the New Life Massage Parlor was a front for prostitution, Oak Grove, Ky., city councilwoman Patty Belew, 26, said she already had enough information to decide. She said she knows for sure that the massage parlor paid bribes to some police officers to ignore prostitution because she used to work there. Liberal British Columbia legislators Linda Reid and Bonnie McKinnon, in a late-night frolic in the chamber, brought in a mechanical wind-up dildo and giddily passed it around. Unfortunately for them, the in-house TV cameras were still on and captured the shenanigans. Last March in Huntsville, Tn., the wife of state rep Les Winningham, was indicted for assault. During the election campaign in November 1996, according to police, the Winninghams pulled over the van to confront a woman who was wearing a shirt that indicated support for Winningham's opponent. After a heated argument, according to the victim, Mr. Winningham instructed his wife to rough her up, whereupon Mrs. Winningham punched her three times and kicked her. Source: News of the Weird ************************************************************************** * MOO THINKS: ' |\___ ---___/| THOSE WHO MAY CARE * * ' \--/0 0 --/ * * "Ethiopian runner Fatuma ' / \===================____ * * is the first African- ' | oo ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\ * * American runner to win ' \_/\_/\ \\ \\_ * * the Boston Marathon." ' '' | | ~~~\\ * * ' \ _______ _ | {} * * -A CNN announcer, ' || || \ /|| || * * being so politically ' || || ||| || || * * correct and wrong ' || || ''' || || * * [] [] [] [] APOULOS * **************************************************************************