THOSE WHO MAY CARE November 25, 1997: Books & Proofs

************************************************************************** * The World's 10 Shortest Books * ************************************************************************** 10. "Things I wouldn't do for Money" by Dennis Rodman 9. Human Rights Advances in China 8. The Differences Between Reality and Dilbert 7. "To all the Men I've Loved Before" Ellen DeG. 6. "My Plan to Find the Real Killers" by OJ Simpson 5. America's Most Popular Lawyers 4. Career Opportunities for History Majors 3. Easy UNIX /* GCFL: come on! it's not that difficult! :-) */ 2. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance 1. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names 0. The Amish Phone Book Source: Euler (thanks for the original) ************************************************************************** * Love Removal Machine: Something for the men. By the way, I'm getting * * kind of tired of reporting this stuff, what kind of trend is this??? * ************************************************************************** Seaside, CA -- Julio Luna, 20, was in serious condition in a hospital after his girlfriend severed his penis with a knife, officials said. His girlfriend Daisy Mascada, 18, told police he had beaten her and that when he passed out, she cut off the penis, which doctors reattached. Mascada was jailed. Johntown, NY -- Earl Zea, 34, removed his own penis with a pair of pruning shears last May because, he later told the district attorney, a man was interested in him romantically, and thought, should he remove his organ, the man might leave him alone. Riverside, CA -- A man jailed after biting off a fellow hospital patient's penis has died in his cell by slitting his throat, officials said. Steven Halsey, 26, first used the razor to severe his own penis. [Note from Editor: Remember this guy from a previous issue? He's the one who bit off two pieces of another patients penis while in the hospital.] Source: USA Today ************************************************************************** * Ignorance Helps: the Mathematical Proof for Propeller Heads * ************************************************************************** Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof explains why this is true: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Work/Time = Power Since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money, we have: Work/Money = Knowledge Solving for Money, we get: Work/Knowledge = Money Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done. Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more you Make. Source: Vancouver Sun ************************************************************************** * MOO THINKS: ' |\___ ---___/| THOSE WHO MAY CARE * * ' \--/0 0 --/ * * "I'm as confused as a ' / \===================____ * * baby in a topless bar." ' | oo ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\ * * ' \_/\_/\ \\ \\_ * * --Anonymous ' '' | | ~~~\\ * * ' \ _______ _ | {} * * ' || || \ /|| || * * ' || || ||| || || * * ' || || ''' || || * * ' [] [] [] [] APOULOS * ***************************************************************************