THOSE WHO MAY CARE Nov 9, 1997: When Kitten Gets Out of Jail

************************************************************************** * I wish I'd gotten to know her, before I fell in love... * ************************************************************************** Continental Airlines filed a lawsuit in November in Newark, NJ, against Deborah Loedig, whom the airlines said endangered passengers in order to get revenge on her ex-husband, who is a pilot. Ms. Loedig baked him some bread, but unknown to him, had laced it with marijuana so that he would fail the airline's drug test and get fired, which did happen, although he was later re-instated when Continental learned what had happened. Source: News of the Weird ************************************************************************** * And you thought dogging drunks at bars was a rough mating ritual.. * ************************************************************************** Scientists report today that they have solved one of the mysteries of the deep sea: how the giant male squid mates with the female. The giant male squid measures 45 feet long (think calamari rings bigger than a tractor tire). They live in a dark, solitary environment up to 3,000 feet below the ocean surface. Scientists believe encounters between these creatures are chance and infrequent. While they have never been observed in their natural habitats, occasionally they have been snared by fishing trawlers and studied. The latest capture of three females off southern Australia produced the hard evidence to confirm scientists' suspicions about mating. Males produce sperm in a gelatinous package as thin as a match and up to 6 inches long. To inject the sperm, the male uses an extremely muscular penis that is 3 feet long and functions like a rivet or nail gun. Nature had this design in mind for a purpose. Dissecting the females, scientists found a torn patches of skin and the remains of these sperm packets The scenario: the male when passing a female, like two ships in the night, quickly maneuvers to hammer its penis into the female's arms and inject its sperm (under hydraulic pressure). The female then stores the sperm in her skin until she spawns once and dies. Now, sometimes accidents occur in dark depths. Males have been found with similar packages riveted into their arms, perhaps by a co-suitor with poor aim. And one male was found who "may have literally shot himself in the foot.'' Source: USA Today ************************************************************************** * And, Gina wrote bad poetry with a crazy kind of urgency (part II) * ************************************************************************** Below are some more samples of truly inspired bad writing to be found in bookstores near you: "Her love for me receded as fast as my hairline" - Fabian Driver "On that wintry day in Buffalo she gave him a look so cold that if it had been a doorknob, his tongue would have stuck to it" - Joe Petulla "The cool thick fog flew in off the ocean and smothered the city like millions and millions of tiny, tiny droplets of water" - Steve D. McLin "Her words flew at me like garlic to a vampire'' - spotted it in the European magazine. "Late-model Mercedes Benzes in the hotel parking lot were lined up in a long, shiny row like a mouthful of molars'' - from Conde Nast Traveler, but spotted in the Reader's Digest, which considered it an example of "picturesque speech.'' "We slipped around like a pair of peeled avocados twisted together in Saran Wrap'' - in John Dunning's The Bookman's Wake. "The Lear jet turned inland from the Pacific and began its descent, slicing through the thick yellow coils encircling Los Angeles like malignant entrails'' - from Architectural Digest editor Paige Rense's new book, Manor House, in a New York Observer review. Source: Vancouver Sun ************************************************************************** * MOO THINKS: ' |\___ ---___/| THOSE WHO MAY CARE * * ' \--/0 0 --/ * * "I guess we could start ' / \===================____ * * by not always assuming ' | oo ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\ * * that anyone walking down ' \_/\_/\ \\ \\_ * * the street with a smile ' '' | | ~~~\\ * * on his face is mentally ' \ _______ _ | {} * * ill." - A New Yorker (on ' || || \ /|| || * * what we could do to make ' || || ||| || || * * the city friendlier) ' || || ''' || || * * ' [] [] [] [] APOULOS * ***************************************************************************