THOSE WHO MAY CARE September 2, 1997: In This Heathen Town

************************************************************************** * Personal Ad Translations for the Layman * ************************************************************************** 40-ish.............. 52 & looking for a 25-year-old Artist.............. Unreliable Athletic............ Flat chested Average looking..... Ugly Distinguished....... Overweight, grey-haired & balding Emotionally secure.. Medicated Free spirit......... Substance user Friendship first.... As long as friendship involves nudity Fun................. Annoying Gentle.............. Comatose Huggable............ Overweight In transition....... Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills Light drinker....... Lush Like to cuddle...... Insecure, overly dependent Looks younger....... If viewed from far away in bad light Loves travel ....... If you're paying New-Age............. Lots of body hair Non-traditional..... Ex-husband lives in the basement Open-minded......... Desperate Outgoing............ Loud Passionate.......... Loud Professional........ Owns a white button down Rubenesque.......... Grossly overweight Romantic............ Looks better by candle light Spiritual........... In a cult Source: Vancouver Sun ************************************************************************** * I'm sure this one started off as a well-meant idea... * ************************************************************************** A couple of years ago, when I worked at a large company, our "sexual harassment training" included a company letter that stated "Don't treat a female engineer like a secretary." Needless to say, the secretaries were not amused. Source: Dilbert Newsletter ************************************************************************** * Tough Luck * ************************************************************************** Last September, in rural Vermont, the car in which Michael O'Keefe was riding was hit by a 700-pound moose. O'Keefe was taken for treatment of cuts and returned to road a few hours later in his own truck, which was then hit by another moose. Last February, in Warsaw, Poland, highway robbers forced off the road a car in which the coaches of the Russian and Belorussian biathlon (shooting and skiing) teams were riding. Following right behind, however, was the teams' bus, and as all of the athletes grabbed rifles, the would be robbers became fled (rather quickly). Source: News of the Weird ************************************************************************** * MOO THINKS: ' |\___ ---___/| THOSE WHO MAY CARE * * ' \--/0 0 --/ * * "You might hate & abuse ' / \===================____ * * us on the high streets & ' | oo ) '''''''''''''''''''\\-- \\ * * alleyways, but our boys ' \_/\_/\ \\ \\_ * * are cruising off with ' '' | | ~~~\\ * * your biggest catches on ' \ _______ _ | {} * * the high seas." ' || || \ /|| || * * -08/29 quote on Dodi & ' || || ||| || || * * Di by Arab journalist ' || || ''' || || * * [] [] [] [] APOULOS * **************************************************************************